It is safe to say that everyone knows someone or they themselves have divorced.
It is more normal to see divorced and remarried family then it is to see intact families.
The many and short-lived marriages of celebrities always seem to slather the headlines.
Can you even name a celebrity that has been married to the same person for the majority of their life?
Maybe, but it is harder than thinking of celebs who are now divorced.
Divorce has a powerful stage presence that is really never welcome, yet, most are acquainted with its affects.
While divorce is very difficult, we also rarely talk about remarriages, where new family structures are created.
“In 2013, 4 in 10 new marriages included at least one partner who had been married before, according to a report released Friday by the Pew Research Center” (Peralta, 2014).
Many of the negative effects of divorce, are seen through the children in these families.
A study was conducted in Great Britain, measuring the effects divorce had on a sample of children.
“… we found that boys and girls whose parents had divorced between the age 7 and age 11 interviews showed more behavior problems at age 11, as rated by parents and by teachers, and scored lower than other children on reading and mathematics achievement tests at age 11, even after controlling for predictors such as social class and race” (Hetherington, Cox,& Cox, 985).
There are many difficulties that are brought into remarriage, each situation is different, meaning there are no blanket answers.
Some of these difficulties include learning to live with those not of your family of origin, having a new authority figure in your life, and sharing space.
There is no way to pay for expedited shipping to get the outcomes you want in remarriage.
It will take time for the new family that has been formed to mesh and feel like a family unit, or if nothing else, a safe place.
In comparing this idea to cooking, you can think of this process as cooking with a slow cooker. All the ingredients are thrown together and expected to combine to create something delicious, the only catch is, it takes time (Deal, 2014).
There is really no way to achieve the same texture and taste without allowing time.
No family, but especially not remarried families, can be expected to function without time to allow for adjustment.
Much of the problems that come into play is the introduction of a new parent.
While the mom or dad may have remarried, is their new spouse really the parent over their step children?
By title yes, but that is about it.
If you were on a sports team and the coach just never showed up one day and one of your teammates made themselves coach, would you listen to them?
This teammate decides to change everyone’s positions, maybe one or two people support the self-nominated coach. Does that give this teammates authority to tell the team what to do?
There is a possibility that this teammate might be a great coach, but it will take time for the team to learn to trust him.
The same can be said of a new step-parent that comes into the picture.
They might be a loving person, who is great to their step-children, but it will take time for the children to learn to trust them.
While children have an ability to adjust, they still need time as we all do.
From adverse circumstances, we become stronger and have the chance to appreciate what we do have.
“The broken will always be able to love harder than most. Once you’ve been in the dark, you learn to appreciate everything that shines.” -Unknown
We are often presented with difficult circumstances in life that we did not necessarily ask for.
These experiences hurt, but they also have the chance to strengthen us.
When we are impacted by the effects of divorce, we can have a greater capacity to love and feel what others feel.
References:
38 Inspirational Quotes About Life. (2017, July 11). Retrieved December 09, 2017, from http://thefunnybeaver.com/38-inspirational-quotes-life/
Deal, R. L. (2014). 10 Things to Know Before You Remarry. Retrieved December 09, 2017, from http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/blended-family/remarriage/dating-and-preparing-for-marriage/10-things-to-know-before- you-remarry
Hetherington, E. M., Cox, M., & Cox, R. (1985). Long-term effects of divorce and remarriage on the adjustment of children. Journal Of The American Academy Of Child Psychiatry, 24(5), 518-530.
Peralta, K. (2014). Remarriage on the Rise in the U.S. Retrieved December 09, 2017, from https://www.usnews.com/news/blogs/data- mine/2014/11/14/remarriage-on-the-rise-in-the-us-pew-report-says