Family life is Stressful

Whether you have a family of your own, or just the family you grew up in, we all have had family experiences.

Within all family units, there are stressful events and the need to cope with those events.

There are the more predicable stressors such as moving, disobedience of a child, or the birth of a child. Then there are the life events that most of us pray will never occur in our lives.

This could be the loss of a child or spouse, to falling upon financial hardships.

Finding showed that the most severe stressor families can experience is the death of a child. Following right behind is the death of a spouse ( Lauer, 2011).

The real question is not whether you faced stress as a family, but what purpose it served?

Though prolonged and some kinds of stress are not always productive, most stress does serve a purpose.

Stress is often defined as a strain either mentally or physically.

A definition that I think encompasses what stress can do in a family is from the Merriam Webster Dictionary. It defines stress as, “a state resulting from a stress; especially: one of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium” (Stress, n.d.).

Stress, though not traditionally pleasant, presents an opportunity to mold us into more than what we currently are.

For diamonds to be formed, a seemingly un-miraculous piece of coal must be subjected to intense pressure. We could also define this pressure as stress.

It is only after that refining experience that a diamond is formed; something sought after and in extreme cases, people kill others for.

Why?

Because in the eyes of many, diamonds are priceless; can we too see stress within the family as priceless?

When my parents were expecting their fourth child, they faced a very difficult circumstance.

My parents went in to get their regular ultrasound to check on the baby, when something alarming was spotted. The baby had holes in her brain! With her current state, she would most likely be born severely mentally impaired.

The doctor let my parents know that they could wait a month until the next ultrasound to see if her brain developed further. If not, the option of an abortion was suggested as the baby would be disabled.

As they came back to the small house where they lived, both burst into tears.

As I have stated before, my family is religious, so abortion for my parents was off the table. Though they had never met this baby girl in person, they loved her. The preservation of her life was more important then the challenges she would inevitably present to my parents.

Their faith, for the first time in their marriage was tested in a significant way. They had always believed that God had a plan for everyone and that he is aware of us.

At this moment they had to decide if they really believed that, could this child’s disabilities be apart of the plan?

Unsure of what progress would be made with the baby’s development within the month, my parents started to make preparation to receive a child into their home who would be severely handicap.

This preparation process allowed my parents to become increasingly unified. My parents had the chance to morn together, but also become more one as they supported each other through this stressful event.

The end of this story is no short of miraculous, the holes in this little girl’s brain had filled in and she was on her way to developing normally.

Anna, as she was later named, was born without a single disability. ( Anna is the beautiful bride in this photo)

While much can be learned from this story, there are a few important lessons I want to touch on.

The first being, my parents allowed this event to push them together, while they could have allowed it to rip them apart. While both felt immense sorrow, my dad could have worked endlessly to prepare for the expenses that surely awaited them.

My mom could have put all her energy into the three other children they currently had.

There might have been times when my dad worked more to prepare for the baby, or timed when my mom was 100% focused on the kids she did have. Most of the time though, they pulled together.

The second is the fact that most stressors within family are not predicable, thus making preparation vital.

Our families will not know how to pull together in difficult times, unless they know how to in day to day situations.

Though family life can sometimes seem it is not all that it is cracked up to be, it can become an anchor when the storm hits.

How strong that anchor is, is entirely up to you.

Sources

Lauer, R. H., & Lauer, J. C. (2011). Family Crisis . In Marriage and family: the quest for intimacy (8th ed., pp. 283-308). New York: McGraw-Hill Higher Education

Stress. (n.d.). Retrieved November 9, 2017, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/stress