Right now I am attending a Christian College where the topic of dating and marriage is constantly on the minds of the students.
In our church, we believe that “…the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children” (The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1995).
For this reason, the desire to have a family and do our best to make it a good experience is in the back of our minds.
So, let’s talk dating. Real dating, at least what it used to mean when our grandparents were young.
For this to make sense, let us brake down some terms that we often hear when we talk about this topic.
Hanging out:
When a group or two people casually get together to spend time together.
Dating:
Dating means that two people go out and the outing is planned, paid for, and paired off.
Courting:
Going on consistent dates with the intent to marry.
These may seem pretty obvious, but many having taken dating out and replaced it with hanging out or courting.
Many don’t want to be rejected, or have experience a lot of rejection. So much so, that they have decided to stay on the neutral zone, known as hanging out.
Hangout makes us feel safe, there is nothing to be lost, and little to be gained.
As my good friend Rocky Balboa said, “If you know what your worth, then go get what you’re worth.”
You will never get what you are worth by putting yourself in second.
Others believe that dating means you have to see a possibility of that person in your romantic future to ever go on a date with them.
While both hanging out and courting have a place, they are not, dating.
While visiting my grandparent’s a while back, my grandma told me of her dating experiences. She went on many dates, many times to dances, but to other things as well.
It did not occur to her that she had marry or even go out again with many of the boys she went on dates with.
To her, they were dates.
She did not use their last names to see if they would look good next her first name, every time she had a date.
A date was a reason to go out, have fun, and get to know a person, not to hook up, or hang out.
What can be done? Simple, promote healthy dating!
To those who are conservative or are very focused on getting married, let a date be a date.
Girls, and guys as well, say yes more often. We want people to feel comfortable enough to ask someone on a date without feeling like a rejection is right around the corner.
In conjunction with that, remember not to wonder if he will look great in a navy blue suit at your wedding while on the first date.
Enjoy the moment for what it is. Someone thought enough of you to want to spend a period of time with you.
Nothing more, nothing less.
I wish I could say that I apply all this perfectly or even that I get asked out enough to use these tips.
There will always be that person we say no to, or that person who says no to us. In general, I think everyone has the power to change the dating culture.
If for no one else, for yourself.
In talking to a friend this week, she explained how she was not sure if she really liked the boys she was going on dates with.
It was frustrating to her that she could not go on dates with people she was more sure about.
As I said to her, I say to you. Relish like a hotdog in the moments where dating is going well.
For all the other ones, do your best to make it what it can be. Almost everyone deserves that one date, a moment to have someone show them they are interesting, and attractive.
Everyone, lets relish in dating a little bit more, it is the only correct path to a happily ever after.
References
The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (1995). The Family: A Proclamation To The World. Retrieved October 19, 2017, from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng&old=true :